A Marine Top, An Air Force Tech Sergeant, and Two Army Specialists, all EOD techs sitting in the chowhall...

There has to be a joke somewhere that starts like that. Regardless that's my day everyday. Unfortunately that will soon end. The Giant Marine and the Phlip are leaving me. They are returning to their regular scheduled programs stateside and the other Specialist is going back to his unit. I will miss them all. We've built a tight family in a short time. Fortunately EOD is a VERY small community and hopefully I will be working with them again very soon. I plan on hooking up with the Phlip when me and Noel go to DC. He has quickly become a GREAT friend.

YAY!!! I have 6 followers. Thanks you ladies. And BTGOAL, thank you for spreading the word about my blog. I love you. Now I know most of you are reading this for the comic relief, so I'll try to please the masses. Unfortunately my days are slow at times, so some days may not be as entertaining. But today has a decent story. Short but entertaining...

Once again, I was standing in Triage and I keep feeling something on my head, so I assume fly. The damn things are everywhere over here. So I keep swatting at it. Little did I know that it was actually a string hanging down that touched my head ever so lightly when I stood up. SO I stand there swatting at this thing. I turn around and there stands about 6 people watching me. Naturally a tour came through as I was doing this. The tour guide didn't miss a beat. He said in good timing and tone. "Ladies and Gentlemen, what you see before you is the ever elusive EOD tech trying to figure out his own basic motor functions. We ask that you don't feed them or stand to close to the cage. They are prone to throw their own feces. We also ask that you not tap on the glass, as it scares the EOD techs and we then have to throw in lots of sugar, coffee, porn, and gun magazines to calm them.

I am off tomorrow ladies, so I have to give my time up to the most beautiful and amazing woman in the world. I love her dearly.

How do you make Iraq miserable?

Everybody knows that being in Iraq sucks. But how do you make Iraq miserable? Just add water! Check this out... Take a 5 pound bag of flour and mix in a gallon of water. Pour it on your driveway. Now walk in it. Welcome to Iraq when it rains. What doesn't stick to your boots in large quantities is thin enough to splash, but thick enough to stick to what it hits. It's horrible! Oh well. Not a whole lot longer now.

For some reason the BSFM decided to waive the run today. Not sure why, but I'm scared to see what happens next. Should be loads of fun!

There are a few terms in the military that I personally love. You won't find them in webster's. They just exist because some people in the military like to use big words and don't know any, so they make some up. Here are a few of my all time favorites...

Electronical- Any item that requires electricity to operate. "Make sure that all electronical components have been removed from the device.

Orientate- To position something in a desired position. "Orientate the weapon downrange."

Come on people. Don't just add a letter or a syllable to a word, go all-out. If you're gonna create a word, CREATE a word. Like...

Craberolish- What happens when you give an EOD tech an expensive piece of equipment and tell him it can't be broken. "DUDE!!! What happened to the robot? Well, I was poking at a device with the gripper. Next thing I know I hear boom. The IED is gone, the robot is all craberolished, and there's chunks of robot and some small animal all over the street. And uh... There are no explosive hazards left down range at this time. *holds hand out* Cookie please!

Today was a helluva day though. Nobody tried to blow us up, but we had a metric shit-ton of evidence come across the table. Oh well, At least I'm not sitting in my CHU biting my nails and tapping my feet waiting for my darling girlfriend to open her pretty little eyes.

A little message to all those with deployed loved ones. Times get rough. Combat can be intense and take a lot out of a man (or woman). But worse than that is having too much downtime. I watched a guy go through a breakdown today, simply because his girl didn't understand why he was being so testy when all he did was work in a lab. Combat stress is hell, I've been there. But idle hands and groundhog days (doing the same thing day in and day out) are sometimes just as bad if not worse. How many times have you said or heard someone say that they are tired of doing the same thing everyday in their job? Well, imagine not being able to come home and vent that to that one you love. That shit builds up. My girl can tell you better than anybody probably. I can really get in some moods from time to time. Now I know that it's hard for you as well, but the little things get to the deployed half and start to build. Having to put on shoes and leave your room just to go pee in the middle of the night, Having to wait for a particular time to eat, Not being able to step outside for some air without making sure somebody knows where you are so if anything happens they can find you. Be patient. If they are bitching about something that seems insignificant to you, well chances are it's a huge deal for them. Oh and personal space? Non-existant!

Per usual a message to my sponsor... I'm probably still in my funk and have missed you oh my god so badly today. Actually considered getting on the white line and calling and waking you up just to hear your voice. I'm terribly sorry about last night, just let my imagination get to me. I love you baby. I can't wait to get back and talk to you tonight!

Just doing my job...

Today was as exciting as it was frustrating. My fearless Air Force leader ( well as fearless as the Air Force can be) decided it would be funny to carry half of his cinnabon to the BSFM aka Top. So guess what. I get to go on another fucking run tomorrow morning with the big crazy guy. Not excited. Not laughing . AND... I have a PT test Monday. YAY me!

In other news. I almost got blown the fuck up today. Cool huh? Yeah. Shitty day in this field can spell disaster at 26,000 fps. It all worked out though. Just hate it when somebody brings a full up device and plops it down in my lab and calls it "evidence". NO!!! That's an IED. "Evidence" is what's left over when it is deemed explosively safe. I just wanna meet the retard that thought it was a good idea to bring it to us like that. I'd like to shake that asshole's hand.

On a lighter not however, a couple pieces of good news. I was able to tear myself away from the shop today and attend a badge pinning ceremony. The U.S. Army Captain that I worked under with the Iraqi Federal Police was pinned with his EOD Master Badge making him a true "Master Blaster". I also got to see the whole partnership crew from Prosperity. It thoroughly excited me.

The other good news that I recieved today that my Iraqi terp (interpreter for you civilian folk) has gotten his visa and will be getting out of this God forsaken country and coming to the states. God bless him. Oddly enough though, he will be there before I get home. Such is my luck.

And as always... a note to my Goddess errr... I mean girlfriend. I love you baby and can't wait to get home. Do get ready for me to be in a shitty mood at least until after the board. I love you and miss you intensely.

Piece of cake...

Well, good news. I survived. I hurt more from the Gym the other day than I do the run (Jesus Christ I hope the BSFM doesn't read that). I will say that about 100 meters from the end of the run, my knee said "Fuck you dude!" and went on siesta. Don't worry though my face broke my fall as I skidded to a halt. Overall my legs aren't hurting that bad and it was quite refreshing although I didn't have ANY energy all day. The BSFM didn't think asking him to carry me to Cinnabon was too funny.

Back to my arms hurting. I went to the gym the other day and worked back and Bi's. It takes about 3 days for the real pain to set in from muscle overwork, so yeah... I looked like T-rex when I got out of bed this morning. I couldn't straighten my arms out for shit. I've got some serious tendon inflammation in my AC (the bend of your arm).

Anyway, spent the rest of the day studying for my Sergeant's board in about a week. Not excited, but ready to be done with it I assure you! Hoping to come home with some stripes.

And as always... To my love. I do at times have my worries and I know they are silly, but the majority of them will go away as soon as I step off that plane and you are standing on that airfield. I can't wait for that first night alone with you. I'm not beating up my body trying to get back in peak performance shape for nothing you know. (hint hint) I love you baby.

So that's how it's gonna happen...

Yep, I'm gonna die in Iraq. Not by bullet, blade, or boom. No, Big gigantic fucking Marine.

Here is how you commit suicide in Iraq and make it look like natural causes. Find a big long legged Marine that's trying to lose weight and loves PT. Then while he is away from his desk take a piping hot, Cinnabon covered with extra icing and place it on his desk. You will die the next day. I am not excited about going in to work 2 hours early to run. Not at all.

On another note, I am going to be at CEXC for another month now. Kinda stoked about it. It keeps me occupied and once I'm done with my board I am going to start floating around the entire cell to the different labs. I also get to poke at a big bear of a Marine with a stick and run away.

Well, that's all I have for now. If I should die tomorrow Connie, please take care of my girl. Thanks.

Asshole???

On three separate occasions I was asked today if I am always an asshole or just having a bad day. Come on people. I'm not a bad guy. Yeah, I'm under a little stress. Getting ready for a board, going through a divorce, in Iraq, and away from the love of my life. Yeah, I'm a little on edge, but holy crap! I'm not that bad am I???

Anyway... My day was plagued by idiots, horrible comedians, and a woman who is convinced that she can talk her way into my pants. Fortunately the HSFM that I was issued by CEXC, (HSFM- Huge Scary Fucking Marine) saved me from all three. Not a lot to say about all of them, but I will
discuss the dumbasses that plague me...

Ok, first off. If it looks like a rocket in a tube, it's probably a FUCKING ROCKET IN A TUBE!!!
Second. If it's a rock. Call it a rock. Don't trump it up and send it to me as a "Silicon Dioxide Ball" or maybe he was just that stupid. Third and by far my favorite... We are EOD don't try to explain to us why something isn't hazardous when we tell you it is. I mean as an MP, if you tell me the donuts are messy, I get a napkin. Come on people.

Whoops!!!

SWEET!!! I got comments! I got 2 of em. I've got 2 followers. I know that's not exactly cult strength, but hey, it's a start. Besides, having 2 followers and 2 comments means that I have full group participation. Thank you ladies.

So no shit, there I was fishing pole in hand and up walks a freaking MP. Long story short, apparently you have to have a permit to fish in this freaking country. They want you to know the hazards of the water. blah blah blah. SO yes I got a ticket for fishing without a license. Here's the Ironic part. My father has been a Game Warden for over 30 years. How awesome is that?

In other news, I miss my girlfriend. A LOT!!! I can't wait to get home to her. I can't wait to travel with her. Baby you are my life and I can't wait to give you my time, body, and soul. Once again to delve into my parrothead repertoire.

Everybody needs a little good luck charm.
A little gri gri keeps you safe from harm
Rub yours on me and I'll rub mine on you.
Luckiest couple on the Avenue.
With a little love and luck we will get by.
With a little love and luck we'll touch the sky.

I love you my dear. Please be patient.

Chicks dig the bomb suit!

Well it was one of those days. Busy as hell, one meal, got the hell beat out of my body at the gym by a psychopathic Arnold wanna-be, and to top it of... I got hit on by some random woman that apparently thinks younger guys with mustaches are hot. But it's like Confucius say... With great mustache come great responsibility!

NOW HEAR THIS!!! The movie "The Hurt Locker" is RIDICULOUS! Feel free to watch it, but don't assume you know my job because of that movie. I felt the same way watching it as an EOD tech as I did watching Backdraft as a Fire Fighter.

Sorry this one is so short, but I have the most amazing woman in the world on the phone and I'm beat. Thanks for reading. I'll try to bring more next time!!!

I am who the hell I am!

For all of you Parrotheads out there, the title of this entry makes perfect sense. For the rest of you that are not schooled in the ways of the Buffett, I say this. I am a contradiction of myself. Just listen to Jimmy Buffett's "Piece of Work". You'll figure it out!

As for the minimal details here ya go!

U.S. Army EOD Tech (one of those idiots in the big green bomb suit that pokes at things that might explode) currently deployed in Iraq. I'm in love with a goddess that was sent here by the EOD Gods as a reward for something amazing that I did, that I am unaware of. Chances are most of you got here through her blog anyway, so you already know quite a bit about me. In addition to that, I can sum myself up with a few lines by Mr. Buffett himself.

Yes I am a pirate. 200 years too late.
Cannons don't thunder, there's nothing to plunder.
I'm a nearly 30 victim of fate.

Now, about this here "blog" thing. It's all her damn fault, but you people (and yes I mean "YOU PEOPLE") get to benefit from my daily antics and the quotes of idiot's that are presented to me on a daily basis. It's rarely if ever gonna be on a serious note. I'll let her handle that.

A little side note to my love. Like I've told you before. You aren't the most important thing in my life. You are my life! I love you dearly and cannot wait to get home and hold you. I look forward to the tackle on the airstrip!

So here we go folks. Strap in, secure your gear, and hang on. She can tell you it's gonna be a helluva ride! Thanks for playing!!!

Oh, almost forgot! Please don't tap on the glass. It scares the EOD techs.
I'm Doc and this is my blog...